The Role of Grieving in Startup Life

As a founder or startup team member, are you ready to grieve?

This is not a post predicting something negative. Grief doesn't know success or failure — it only knows loss.

And change is a form of loss. 

Change is inevitable. By design or necessity, a new business cannot be in the future what it is now. Its current form is temporary. Nothing about a caterpillar tells you it will be a butterfly. 

We could not have predicted a global pandemic, interest rates, or the changing winds of local politics.

The team isn’t as passionate as they were last year.

We thought we built for the XYZ market but ran into roadblocks, and now we see an ABC opportunity.

Or - we’re growing like bonkers, raising money, hiring fast, and keeping up with demand. That’s good, but it’s not what it was. It’s changing before our eyes. I have to change with it. 

Inward personal growth might include the loss of old values, paradigms, or behaviors. We knew they weren’t perfect, but they sure were consistent. There when needed.  

Or it’s no longer me and my co-founder taking on the world. Our small, agile team grew into an organization—an actual business with paychecks, policies, and HR programs. The days of creative hustle came to an end. The baby has an identity distinct from its founders. 

A small startup business feels exactly like it did this time last year. It’s not changing like they thought, so something has to change, either expectations or decisions. 

All of this points to change. 

And change is always some form of loss - whether due to success, growth, choice, necessity, or the unexpected. Or each of these mixed up in the exotic cocktail we call startup life. 

To start a business is to sign up for - at one point or another - some time of grieving. 

Counselors and experts talk about grieving as a room. There is no way under, around, or over the room. Avoiding the room has risks. Going through the room is a first step, which implies you have control. But grieving is a room where you sit. It takes as long as it takes. They also describe 5 or 7 stages of grief. 

Are you the founder of a new business? Here is your permission to grieve. 

Whether you’re filing for IPO tomorrow – or scrolling through job ads, grieving is not optional. You have experienced - or will experience - some change or loss. 

Grieve intentionally. Grieve in your journal or with others. Grieve with words or some other expression. Grieve for hours or just a few minutes. Grieve with heart and soul. Grieve through the stages - whether growth, success, change, or expectations.